Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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