Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
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I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
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The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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