Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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