sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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