Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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