he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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