I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
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When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
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I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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