i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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