I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
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I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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