Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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