He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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