genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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