I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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