youre lurking in front of me
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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