Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize