I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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