First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
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He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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