She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize