As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Less talking, more tequila
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
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I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
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I think your dad took our porno
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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