they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize