I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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