You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize