How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
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He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
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Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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