I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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