How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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