he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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