Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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