Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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