Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
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Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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