he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
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Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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