No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
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No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
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No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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