I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize