is your mom at the bar?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize