this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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