if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
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At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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