I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
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I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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