so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
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I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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