If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
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I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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