Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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