What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
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Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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