Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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