you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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