I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I wear drunk well.
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