I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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