don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
zippers are such a cool invention
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
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