Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize