Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize