I wish my penis had an off switch
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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