If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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