She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize